September 28th, 2020


Awake so early! Woke up at 12:30am and was like "fuck it", so now I'm chilling with a bottled latte watching YouTube. I think that's cool? Right? Not sure, I overthink things too much. It's hard for me to actually relax, I'm slowly learning to be like "to hell with it" and do what I want : oo
I also typed this all out on mobile smhh, I dont feel like venting on Reddit like I have been.


Still awake, somewhat feeling tired, not sure if I should go sleep or mot xp


My man! THE DAY IS ALREADY HALFWAY GONE, what the fuck.


Mmph. I've been kinda having this embarrassing fantasy about Aidan but it turns me on so fucking much, my gosh. I'm trying so hard not to think qbput him. I thiink all of my fantasies about Aidan are embarrassing though >/////< I feel likke people think I'm crazy- actually, I know people out there think I'm crazy so i feel like they laugh at the idea of some disgusting crazy girl fantasing about the guy she's obsessed with. i guess i feel much older than I am, I've been through so much shit and my memory goes bad on me. Ugh.. But I never thought about how weirdly sexy this situation is until Ive been through it LOL. I mean come on.... FUCK.... it feels so bad but sooooo fucking goood, and I think that's why Aidan reaached out to me like that. I'll never forget that, I was like "but it's wrong" and he was like "but doesnt feel so right?" something along those lines. It was tempting, and welp. Ha.
I like to think about how we'll meet. I, along the way to his house, buy him Taco Bell- mainly a chicken quesadilla because thats his favorite- and then buy him a cheese pizza, because thats also his favorite pizza. I won't be eating with him or buying anything for myself, I prefer to eat alone and besides that's not the point. I come to his door and he answers, he's surprised. I tease at him like "Well I've bought you foood but don't worry, I'm not gonna try to fight you, I've changed my mind." something like that. I'm kinda dressed in a showsy fashion, heh. My ass jiggles pretty easily and so in the fantasy I'm wearing booty shorts and a belly shirt- also because it'll most likely be hot out, I've had this fantasy since summer time.
Blah blah blah, stuff happens where he's turned on but hesitant. While I'm submissive but unaware. Uhhh well idk welllp. i mean see this is why I feel so embrassed about these fantasies, I feel so dirty. See, this is a fantasy where uhhh Aidan kinda comes onto me first- forcefully. He teases me as he pins me down on the side of his bed like "aww, but isnt this what you wanted? years of stalking me and now I'm here, arent I?" his voice is sorta gentle, sorta rough, very taunting. Then he leans in and gets all close to me as I whimper abd tries to address me and himself, and as he does that he touches a spot on me thats makes me let out a soft squeel/moan, which then his grip becomes more firm and aggressive like "ohh you like that, huh? heh, such a nayghty slut." Stuff like that.
It's..... embarrassing. Pftt, I wish it would happen though. No one vaginally came inside me without a condom before, I kinda wanna save that for Aidan. I'm a disgusting pervert lmao...